Random
Source Code
Random
A lame joke, pun, or play on words that your mom would say, such as "have a nice trip, see you next fall". Does not have to be told by your mom, just has to be lame.
"Hey Trevor, have a nice trip, see you next fall! Haha!"
"Dude, that was fucking lame."
"Yeah man, that was a total mom joke."
38👍 30👎
A widely known joke of uncertain origin involving two personified muffins residing within an oven.
Has been regarded as the best, worst, most over-told, most under-appreciated, most clever, and/or most lame joke in history. As with most well known jokes, there are many different versions, usually with small changes to the phrasing of their location and the first muffin's comment, but faithfully ending with "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING MUFFIN!".
A well known version of The Muffin Joke:
So these two muffins are chillin' in a oven, right? The first muffin says to the second muffin: "Ahh! We're in an oven..." The second muffin says to the first muffin: "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING MUFFIN!"
25👍 19👎
A joke that is so long that your beard grows back before it is over, and never has a punchline that is worth the wait. Called a 'red joke' because is usually told by a conservative old man in Kentucky who sits in his rocking chair for 8 hours a day with chew, a spittoon and a shotgun at his side. Some times called a 'long joke'.
"Hey, you want to hear a Red Joke?'
"NO."
"Okay!"
"Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."
The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"
The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."
The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?"
"Yes," the man calmly says. "I have the loot in the back."
The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.
"Don't do that!" the man yells fearfully. "I'm scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says.
The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."
The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!" "
"... Wow that was not worth the wait..."
8👍 4👎
Named after non-toxic Elmer glue, elmer jokes lack the certain toxicity required to make a joke funny. It is not uncommon for an elmer joke to silence an entire room.
a group of friends talking at a restaurant
Friend#1 has finished his dinner except for a few fries
Friend#1: hey do you think I could get this to go?
Group: silence
Friend#2: was that even a joke?
Friend#3: I think it's time to go guys, this guy has started making elmer jokes
8👍 4👎
A really horrible and pointless joke that nobody finds funny
Nobody finds ashrith jokes funny besides the the ashrith akkaraju
8👍 6👎
When someone tells the same joke over and over, apparently in the belief that, although it was completely lame the first 50 times, at some point between the 51st and 2057th times, it will magically become funny.
Monday
Dan: You love the penis so much.
Tuesday
Dan: Why do you love the penis so much?
Wednesday
Dan: I'd like you better if you didn't love the penis so much!
Thursday
Dan: You still love the penis way too much.
Joe: Quit with the goddamn Dan Jokes already!
Dan: Ok, I'll quit... just as soon as you stop loving the penis so much!
Joe: I hate you.
34👍 28👎
Any fake story on the Pinocchio-in-Chief, whose manifold lies make him the political clown of choice among comedians and humorists worldwide.
One Trump joke goes as follows:
Don goes to prison and the first night he’s trying to get some sleep when he hears an inmate yell out, ‘19!’ followed by a chuckle from his cellmate. He didn’t pay attention to it, but then there was a yell of ‘47!’ and another chuckle.
‘What the heck is going on?’ he asks his cellmate.
‘Well, we’ve heard every presidential lie in here so often, so we’ve numbered them to save time.’
‘Oh,’ he says, ‘can I give it a try?’
‘Sure, no problem.’
So, Don yells out ‘11,780!’ and there is commotion. Wild laughter sweeps from cell to cell. Eventually the laughter subsided, and Don turns to his cellmate who is wiping his tears of joy. ‘That was a good one, dude?’
‘Yeah! We’ve never heard that lie before!’
51👍 100👎