Can't Handle It

My brother Johnathan, given a million opportunities and chances in life, yet still setup for failure because of plain stupidity and drug addiction.

Jake: oh man i just ruined this expensive thing.... Ethan: you just done a Can't Handle It!

Sorry, I Can't Be With You On Valentines Day

A cheating asshole.

"Sorry, I Can't Be With You On Valentines Day. I have this big project..."

I can't compeed

When the blister already burst and you can't put a Compeed brand band aid on it

"Try putting on a Compeed" - "Nah, bitch's already burst, i can't compeed!"

can't gonna do that

A phrase uttered when someone is not going to do something that will only have horrible consequences.

Barbie:"I heard Danny wants to take you out. You gonna say yes?"
Stacey:"Can't gonna do that. He's got multiple STI's and he smells like moldy onions and rancid garlic. He's all yours!"

You can't take a horse to water

You can't force a person to do what they don't want to do.

You can't take a horse to water is a useful phrase to learn when making friends.

I can't find it

Something you say to your mum when you can't find something, moments before she instantly out of nowhere finds it.

Timmy: Mum? I can't find it.
Mum: *does magic shit, before summoning it out of thin air.* SEE I FOUND IT UR DUM-ASS EYES

Can't Control Time

Can't Control Time is a general phrase people use who are unwilling to accept responsibility for their own faulty time management.

7:30 am
Person A: What are you still doing sleeping Person B, I told you we have to be at the kids school at 7 45?!?
Person B: God, don't get so mad, I can't control time