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When a male convinces a male or female friend to give him a hand job. It is an emotionless act, and is purely a mechanical action. The friend is guilted into performing the act, usually being unenthusiastic and employing sloppy technique. As neither party is interested, the receiver usually finds it difficult to maintain an erection, and climax is rarely achieved.
Neither party benefits from this transaction, and it is usually considered the low point of any friendship. This uncomfortable incident usually leads to a brief hiatus in the friendship while both parties come to terms with their awkward feelings of guilt/shame.
An awkward hand job may be used a form of currency or bartering system for minor favors or small amounts of money.
Used in conversation as "AHJ".
Example (Awkward Hand Job):
Person 1: I can pay you back that money I owe you next friday!
Person 2: It's fine, just give me an AHJ and we'll call it quits.
Person 1: ... fine... :-/
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When you gotta get that nut off but it is so cold your significant other leaves her mittens on while giving you a hand job.
It sucked that the battery died and the tow truck took so long to get to us. But, hey at least I got a pretty sweet Michigan hand job while we waited.
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A variation of the classic hand job in which the woman giving the hand job also spanks/slaps the erect penis in addition to rubbing and stroaking it, often times to keep it hard so the spanking/slapping can continue. The harsh hand job is typically done with the woman sitting between the man's legs or backwards with her buttocks facing the man in an almost "reverse cowgirl" position.
"I got caught going through my girlfriend's roomate's used underwear and in order to keep her from ratting me out I had to submit to a harsh hand job. She kept getting me hard then smacking my dick while scolding me for being a pervert. I never ejaculated so much in my life."
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Due to uncontrollable forces, even an unsolicited/unwanted hand job from a beastly woman will eventually come to fruition. Despite any feelings of inhibition or revulsion, what begins as a fearful struggle...inevitably transforms in to a puzzling pleasure...which culminates in a primal scream. (This always happens right before you were about to call the police.)
"I was so drunk, but I could still tell she was ugly. After the forced hand job though, The Darkness took over."
"This scary chick tied me down and started giving me a forced hand job. I was terrified at first...but right when I reached for the phone to call the cops, I came."
"She is such a swamp donkey that all she can look forward to is giving a forced hand job to some guy she drags home after last call."
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Fist your partners asshole then reach around and give them a hand job.
I totally gave Jimmy a rusty hand job for his birthday after he took a dump.
When she tugs so hard, she nearly pulls it off you. Similar to the hand shakes of the 45th President.
aka PHJ
'How's that new girl of yours?'
'She hot and all but only gives Presidential Hand Jobs.'
A sexual maneuver where a male sits on his knees. His partner sits behind him so that their chest touches his back. The partner then reaches underneath the male's armpits and extends their arms outward. The male will then fold his arms over his partner's and hides his hands behind his back. The partner then gives the male a hand-job is such a fashion that an observer may believe the male is using his own hands. The concept is likely born from the game called "Helping Hands" on the popular television show "Who's Line is it Anyway".
My girlfriend gave me a helping-hands job while I looked in the mirror so it looked like I was masturbating without having to put forth the effort.
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