looking for a job

When someone smokes the cannabis all day, drinks beer and gorges themselves on sweets. This is primarily done when one has a wife, girlfriends, friends or roommate. He then lies to them and says he was "looking for a job."

Roommate: Didn't you do anything today?

Stoner: I was looking for a job.

Roommate: So, are you saying you smoked all my weed and drank all my beer again?

Stoner: (after a few moments of thinking it over) What did you say?

Roommate: Did you drink all my beer and smoke all my weed today...while I was at work?

Stoner: (giggles) Maybe I also ate all of your Cap'n'Crunch with Crunch Berries too.

16👍 3👎

Rodent Job

A hand job where the person treats the genatalia like it is a small rodent it is afraid to hurt, or trying to calm down. The result is usually a mutual awkwardness for both parties or possibally a lawlrection.

guy one "dude i heard that chick jerked you off!"

guy two "no it was more like she was petting a scared rodent to calm it"

guy one "oh you mean a rodent job?"

17👍 3👎

Lobe Job

Yet another wonderful form of getting off without actually stickin your basilisk in her chamber of secrets. Most Lobe Jobs are performed on very scene bitches, and now guys! who have progressed from being just "emo" to "br00tal"

You stick yer dick in their fashionably worthless stretched ear lobe. Don't forget to lube that lobe, and for fun, jazz your finished product in their ear.

Jordan: dude... you know chelsea grin?
Me: yeah.. that retarded scene bitch?
Jordan: haha right... well last night i gave her a lobe job she'll never forget
Me: NICE! put that scene bitch in her place!

16👍 3👎

wank job

Slightly classier cousin of the hand job.

The countess provided me with a glorious wank job

53👍 16👎

boob job

When you insert your cock inside the crevece formed by two breasts, preferably large ones, and the owner of the breasts takes the two breasts and moves them up and down your cock until you splooge all over her face.

Your mom gave me the best BOOB JOB last night.

1520👍 645👎

Z Job

If you gotta ask, you can't afford it.

It's 10 for an h-job, 20 for a b-job and 50 for a Z job.

1021👍 423👎

Zoggle Job

A variation of the blowjob, in which the male orifice reachs all the way into the nasal cavity, sometimes resulting in an angry dragon upon completion.

If you have to ask what a zoggle job is, you can't afford it.

25👍 6👎