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When you have to pretend to feel sorry for someone, but you really don't, so you just give them the most awkward, non-comforting shoulder pat in the world.
"Joey told me he just broke up with his girlfriend. I always hated her, so I just gave him the Awkward Shoulder Pat."
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A song by The Used that is rumored to be about Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance, becuase of the fact that Bert McCracken (Lead Singer of The Used) and Gerard Way had a "Falling-Out".
Gerard McCracken...LOL! ...the good old days... although I luv the song Pretty Handsome Awkward...
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One of many useful hand gestures to use when stuck in an awkward situation. Made by placing one hand on top of the other and wiggling your thumbs as though they are flippers.
The dead awkward silence turtle is also fun, made with your palms facing up, and is a much more amusing silence breaker.
Mandy: "Hey how was saturday night?"
Tim: "I had sex with a transexual"
Mandy:*awkward silence turtle*
Tim:"Turns out it was your brother."
Mandy: *dead awkward silence turtle"
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This is derived from the original "Awkward Turtle". This is a hand gesture performed in the occurence of an awkward moment, usually defined by a long silence. In this particulare motion, the hands are placed on top of each other (as in "Awkward Turtle") and the thumbs are pointed outward and circling forward. Next, to create the "baby turtles", the hands are pounded together and separated and then shaped into smaller "turtles" with the both pinkies and thumbs out and circling forward once more.
Francine: Britney Spears is definitely a great role model for the American girl...
Marina, Kelly, and Tamra: ... (Silence and stares)
Kelly: AWKWARD BABY TURTLE!!
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Like the awkward tutle, he too is part of the "awkward mascot club". To make, place the left palm against the back of the right hand.
*all silent..*
A: "AWKWARD TURTLE!"
B: "AWKWARD PENGUIN!"
C: "AWKWARD PALM TREE!"
D: "AWKWARD FISH!"
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this is the same as your regular awkward turtle except one will flip his hands upside down. this creates a turtle as though it were on its back and unable to move. this may only be used in super awkward moments which happen very rarely in life.
telling a mom joke in a group to someone who's mom is actually dead, and the only person that doesn't know his mom is dead is the joke teller. this situation would invite you to use the super awkward turtle.
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Advanced Awkward Turtle
Advanced Awkward Turtle is the next stage in evolutionary awkwardness.
To perform the Advanced Awkward Turtle there are three preliminary conditions you must be sure are in place.
Make sure to find an introverted, lonely looking person. Preferably one that is sitting alone. Also, make sure that he/she has a free hand that is placed on a flat surface, with the palm facing down. Lastly, make sure that the hand is within reach. With these conditions, you are ready to perform the Advanced Awkward Turtle.
First, place your opposing hand directly on top of his/her free hand with your palm facing down and your fingers pointing the same direction. Next, make eye contact as you start to rotate your thumbs counter-clockwise(as in standard awkward turtle). Wait until awkwardness ensues. If awkwardness does not become apparent, follow the next steps.
Decrease the distance between your face and theirs, while increasing the rotational speed of your thumbs.
Advanced Awkward Turtle would be used in these situations.
Billy, the boy who never talks, is sitting alone. Until you walk over and get intimately awkward with him.
A bully is picking on you, so you bust out the Awkward Turtle. A gentle wink thrown in will make sure he will never go near you again.
Works very well in breaking the ice, or annihilate it completely.
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