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A person who believes their dog barks sparkles and poops rainbows and can't do a thing wrong.
That dog is so out of control, and it's fur mom doesn't see anything wrong with it.
68👍 19👎
going to go out on a limb here and claim expert status on identifying and defining soccer moms. my qualifications: grew up in california suburbs. in soccer family (mom and dad both coaches). have one child myself. am 37 years old. true, i don't drink coffee. and i live in san francisco, where, in tiny pockets, soccer moms do rear their ugly (over-highlighted) heads, but are promptly ridiculed until they crawl back into their climate-controlled SUVs and circle the city, endlessly looking for parking that can accommodate their concorde-size vehicles.
soccer moms are frightened people. threatened people. they sometimes seem smug and heedless, but everything they do is governed by feelings of inadequacy. ever read the malcolm gladwell story in the new yorker that reported that the single biggest psychographics assocated with SUV drivers were (1) being a bad driver; and (2) lack of confidence about the state of your marriage? hello, soccer mom. lacking individual ambition, they channel all their fervor into their kids' lives and accomplishments, resulting, later, in many years of therapy for said offspring, who end up deranged and oppressed by the SM's maniacal child obsession. soccer moms are unhappy people, and often conflicted about the traditional (read: regressive) gender roles they have decided to embrace. they are in too much denial to admit that they, like the rest of us, just didn't want to work outside the home anymore, so they tried to turn childrearing into a career. (not saying it isn't legitimate work, but it would be nice to get an honest explanation of the original motivation.) they are threatened by women with careers, younger women and women who struggle to balance their jobs and their kids' needs and don't want to subjugate their own needs every day of their lives (and thus become bitter, like the SMs). if you resist the trappings of soccer momdom yourself, they are threatened by you. ("how can your family get by with one car? what? it's a 9 year old mazda sedan? does it even have cup holders? or tethers? or tethered cup holders?")
not even getting into the right-wing, censorship-promoting, christian reactionary part of it all, SMs are downright dangerous for the culture. they oppose critical thought on principle. man, isn't that bad enough?
The soccer mom slammed the door of her Suburban, grabbed her no-fat mint frappacino and the twins, stuffed her Coach purse and offspring in the Bugaboo and charged into Target.
157👍 48👎
1.The mother of the red-headed jewish albanian.
2.Woman who's pornography alias is "Iliiterate Douche Towel"
3.A synonym for anal princess
4.A sex position where the woman tucks her feet behind her ears as a guy shits in her mouth
Ex.1
Midshipman 1 - "Hey, what'd you do last night?"
Midshipman 2 - "Nothin really, just gave some chick a 'Lerner's Mom.'"
Ex.2
I met this chick last night, she's a real Lerner's mom if you catch my drift.
52👍 13👎
The mother of a family who skis. She drives around in an Escalade and is often from Mass, New York, Jersey, or Connecticut. She puts many bumper stickers for vermont resorts she has never even heard of. She occasionally joins the dad and kids on their weekend trips, and when she does, she takes a couple runs on groomers then sits in the lodge all day sipping cocoa in front of a fireplace while holding a table for eight, even though others are desperately looking for seats. On the lift, she brags about certain runs that she in fact didn't do. She will then brag about her children's ski "achievements" and claim that she is a local. When she gets back home to jersey she brags to all her lady friends about her ski "abilities". Like a ski dad, also very rude and inconsiderate to others on the mountain.
On gondola at Stowe
Ski mom: Hourglass was sweet! Maybe I will do it again...
Other person on lift: Oh really? I want to head up there but I don't want to go in the backcountry alone, wanna come with me?
Ski mom: Oh, uhhh...I meant it was sweet when I did it last year but I tore my ACL a few days after so now I can only ski blues. Sorry...
22👍 4👎
A 45 year old woman who is traumatized by the fact that her parents sold her on a mail order bride site, and still suffers from hypothermia due to the raft trip from Germany.
I banged ken's mom hard last night.
29👍 6👎
I know that not ALL "soccer moms" are like this...So, I'm just going to define the STEREOTYPICAL "soccer mom".
A middle/lower-upperclass caucasian (9 times out of 10) female between the ages of 25-45. Known for their huge SUVs and mini-vans laden with corny bumper stickers. Very (hyper)active members in the school district (PTA, school board, etc.). Usually has at least 3 kids...blah, blah, blah. Also famous for the "sweater on shoulders tied sleeves in front" look.
But basically, a chick who still bases her life on the bullshit foundation that women were put on this earth to cook, clean, make babies, and raise babies. Their husbands are never around, because they're probably cheating, because more than likely, she's become more overweight and more unattractive with a drastically declining sex drive...But the soccer mom is to busy picking up little Rebecca and Timmy from karate class to notice.
Again, not all "soccer moms" are like this...but then, that wouldn't make them soccer mom now would it?
32👍 7👎
The mother to which all 'yo momma' jokes begin.
Paul said, "I'm done with this"
To which Catrina replied, "that's what Paul's mom told me last night"
48👍 12👎