Green Alarm Clock

While going down on your female partner you grab her nipples. With nipples in hand you clamp down firmly on her clitoris with your upper lip and insert your tongue into her vagina. Just as she is about to explode you twist her nipples to the point of extreme pain and scream GREEN into her vagina. It's sure to wake her up.

I used the Green Alarm Clock and now that's all she wants.

14👍 14👎

Dutch clock weights

When performing the 69 with the guy on top as he lowers himself down his scrotum rests on the bridge of his birds nose and a bollock falls into either eye socket,

Fat bird that you wanna eat but dont know or dont wanna try taking the wait of this big fattie on ya chest,
so you give her the dutch clock weights in the eyes,
as seen on a grandfather clock the winding weights on the chain that hangs down,

29👍 35👎

cock-o-clock

A penis puppetry move in which the penis is brought across the top of the wrist, like a watch. You then get someone to ask you what time it is, to which you enthusiasticly reply 'cock-o-clock!!!'

Pook: Ask me what time it is.

Victim: What time is it?

Pook: COCK-O-CLOCK!!!!

12👍 11👎

bio-illogical clock

The unreasonable state of mind, typically suffered by females, once a particular age is reached causing overly emotional, unstable and erratic behaviour predominantly concerning the immediate needs of spawning parasitical offspring.

As sure as Summer, the feared bio-illogical clock transformed this fine woman, of such beauty to make the Angels weep, into a terrifying beast of breeding.

38👍 54👎

jackass o' clock

Any time!!!

Tom: What time is it.
Me: Jackass o' clock

12👍 14👎

Honduran alarm clock

is when you find your partner sleeping with his/her mouth open, so then you can take a shit in his/her mouth and then stick your penis in it and say good morning hun.

Sharon fell asleep during sex so i gave her a honduran alarm clock to start off her morning

17👍 22👎

Porcine Alarm Clock

The smell of bacon frying in the morning that permeates throughout the home thus awakening anyone sleeping in. Whether they wake because they love bacon or are afraid they will miss breakfast.

"Dude, I couldn't sleep any longer, your porcine alarm clock told me I needed to grab some bacon before it was all gone"

And

"Are you setting the porcine alarm for the morning?" "Hell yes, I got 2 lbs of smoked thick cut bacon ready in the fridge"