dream machine

He is coming tonight to show me an ecstatic way to fall asleep naturally!
I'm so excited.

Thats what my answering dream machine read to me.
💧

1👍 1👎

jewish machine

The perpetual motion of the elite class fucking over the middle and lower class.

Friend: The government just made taxes lower on the rich and higher on all of us.

Me: That's the jewish machine for you.

1👍 1👎

crane machine

when youre banging a girl and shes 9 months pregnant, you reach in there and grab the little fucker and tell him, "Get out you little fucker, this is my house... bitch!"

I couldn't wait for my child to be born, and one night i got really horny and gave my old bitch a crane machine.

3👍 7👎

Beat Machine

A large facillitation of physical damage using blunt objects on a target or targets.

It's a fuckowitz for a hugabitch in the Beat Machine.

3👍 7👎

answering machine

An electronic device which is designed to automatically answer your phone calls. People who are too cheap to get voice mail usually have an answering machine.

I got rid of my answering machine and got voice mail instead.

15👍 62👎

the coffee machine

When a sexual partner has to relieve themselves, so the other partner inserts a coffee capsule into their rectum and they slowly drip warm pee.

Bro, I gave Sarah the coffee machine last night and she slow dripped a steamy brew

2👍 7👎

shagging machine

its an item for when people practice ready to have sex

girl1: ive always wanted to fuck that lad up for years but.....i dont know how to.
girl2: well in argos theres a shagging machine you can use it to practice. It takes 5 mins practice

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