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academic masturbation

The practice in which professors and teachers find new ways to talk about hypothetical and unpractical solutions to nonexistent problems or scenarios. Simultaneous waste of taxpayer money may or may not be present depending on the type of institution.

This new class is a huge waste of time; the professor loves academic masturbation, but hasn't actually taught us anything useful.

by bob seeply December 14, 2016


gravitational masturbation

When u jerk off and jump repeatedly while screaming "IM IN SPACEEE" before cumming all over the planets

Guy: dude i masturbated last night and it was one of those gravitational masturbation ones and I nutted all over the solar system

Dude: I nutted all over my neighbors roof last night and had to spend a day in prison

by looneylobs August 4, 2017


masturbation procrastination

When you throw all your responsibilities out the window and just masturbate.

Damon didn't finish his project until the last minute because he was too busy with masturbation procrastination.

by dddisaster November 29, 2016


Masturbation Paralyzation

When you jerk off too much and your weak ass arm cannot handle the g-forces and either becomes numb or just fucking falls off your body.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Me: I have Masturbation Paralyzation.
Doctor: OH SHIT! Get him to the ER, we only have minutes to operate!

by WhiterThanKevinJames'Vagina May 8, 2018


Lazy Masturbation

The act of resting your hands in your pants and holding your genitals or butt, usually absentmindedly. It is usually mildly pleasurable, but is not done to get off.

"Woah, why do you have your hand in your pants?"
"I was just bored and starting doing some lazy masturbation."

by JaxMP August 9, 2018


Intellectual masturbation

A conversation with the purpose of confirming or showing off both parties' knowledge in a certain field, without providing new leads or ideas.

They kept jerking each other's brain off in that round of intellectual masturbation about algorithms optimization.

by SollyDMonkey July 4, 2022


Big Masturbation

The forces at work trying to make me watch porn and play with my innocent Christian penis. The sex industry equivalent of Big Pharma

Me: Big Masturbation has no impact on me. I don't even do pre-marital handholding
My penis: Get PornHub Premium

by FuzzyDanglers April 23, 2020