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Noun: blitz-wank - a wank that should never exceed more than roughly one minute. Any longer than that and it can no longer be classed as a B.W.
Verb: to blitz-wank - the act of furiously masturbating so as to achieve and orgasm in a very particular time constraint.
For the gentleman who just needs to get something out of his system in a record breaking time.
A day at the office-
Bob: Fml, this work is really getting me down. No wonder the statistics of office suicides are so high lately.
Pete: Just go into the supplies cupboard and rub out a BW my friend.
Bob: BW?
Pete: Blitz-wank! It's where you choke the life out of your chicken until it sqwarks in around a minute.
*after a brief blitz-wanking session bob returns to his desk and completes all of his assignments to an exceptional standard*
Bob: Remember kids, if it weren't for BWs, I wouldn't be where I am today.
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Something really dumb or shitty.
"What is this wank ass music we are listening to?"
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Similar to chain smoking except it is having one wank after another, usually practised by teenage boys with internet access in their bedroom
A mother will shout up the stairs to her son "get up it is 2pm" and the boys father will tell her "leave the boy alone, he is chain wanking"
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It is the act of taping ones penis to ones leg with either tape or cling film and wanking with his leg like a chimp.
The main advantage of this is that one can still eat and drink at the same time like a Sir.
Sir 1 "Dude we used so much tape and cling film"
Sir 2 "What having a chimp wank?"
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A person that is socially inept and yet full of themselves.
Someone whose only source of conversation is themselves and the things they get up to.
The word derives from the common word for masturbation and monkey, the animal that uses aggressive displays to prove their social status.
It occurred to me as I heard about Nikki's time as a stripper that she was a huge wank monkey.
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What David Beckham has to settle for when she's not quite in the mood for full sex.
David was busting for a fuck but Victoria was feeling tired after not eating all day, so David had to be happy with a posh wank that evening.
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Similar to the risky wank. It involves sitting in your room with a boner, then yelling to your mum that you need to see her quickly. The trick is to start and finish jerking off before she makes it to your room. Only attempted by fucking idiots or virgins who can cum that fast.
john: "MUUUUUUUMMMM COME HEREEEE!!!"
mum: "Coming" Step, step, step
john: "SHIT, SHIT ,SHIT, FUCK ME YEAHHHH"
mum: step, step, open door "WTF!!!"
john: "CRAP....DIDN'T MAKE IT"
John fails the death wank. Silly prick
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