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intellectual masturbation

Reading or hearing something one does not understand and dismissing it as useless, calling it "philosophy" as an insult, then falling for every media pronouncement and logical fallacy as being profound or meaningful.

Ayn: To love is to value.

Sam: Huh? You mean you have to pay for it? Philosophy sucks! That's just intellectual masturbation.

Nan: We have to pass the bill to find out what's in it.

Sam: Makes sense to me. That's deep.

by Patriot-X April 25, 2010

59๐Ÿ‘ 100๐Ÿ‘Ž


Masturbation Muscle

When a male has fapped so much, that one arm is bigger than the other one.

Guy 1 "Dude how did Daniel get so buff?"

Guy 2 "Look at his arm."

Guy 2 "It's because he tones his Masturbation Muscle."

Daniel "No! I just workout."

by Lifewithaknife November 1, 2011

4๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


Group Masturbation

The act of when multiple (useally the homies) people mainly of groups of three or more masturbate within the same room.

Or in a circle although that is mainly referred to as a circled jerk

Homie #1: group Masturbation begins in eight minutes

Homie #1: Nevermind everyone, Kyle snitched

Homie #2: fuck kyle

Homie #3: yeah that fucking bitch

by BoredToHell2 December 19, 2021

5๐Ÿ‘ 3๐Ÿ‘Ž


mental masturbation

To perform some activity, typically IT related, where performing the activity gives the performer almost sexual pleasure while doing it, yet nothing of any value or lasting value is produced. Mental masturbation is reasonably acceptable in the privacy of the performer's home, but not on their employer's time. Mental masturbation may be the reason for overly complicated and hard to understand solutions being implemented in one company, despite simpler and more commonly understood solutions being used at a number of other companies in the same industry.

To workmate, on Monday morning, "Guess what I did over the weekend! I rewrote Linux in FORTAN! Cool huh!"
Workmate, unimpressed, "That sounds like mental masturbation to me."

by Shylock Merchant September 30, 2006

31๐Ÿ‘ 49๐Ÿ‘Ž


intellectual masturbation

Talking to hear the sound of your own voice. See mental masturbation or bullshit.

He went on and on about how many uses he had for an avacado and a water pik, but we didn't want to hear about that intellectual masturbation

by Bur Seliu June 8, 2006

84๐Ÿ‘ 156๐Ÿ‘Ž


Premarital Masturbation

Masturbation, or touching of one's self, jacking off, playing the yum yum trumpet etc. Before getting engaged or married.

Gee, you hear about the pope's Premarital Masturbation?
Ya! I think he should go to hell or at least get laid.

by Taeko Hentie April 7, 2006

20๐Ÿ‘ 30๐Ÿ‘Ž


assisted masturbation

The act of having another individual whack you off, can be of the male or female variety.

Person 1: Dude! My girl hit me up with some assisted masturbation
Person 2: Noice!

by therealOGmexican March 15, 2016

3๐Ÿ‘ 2๐Ÿ‘Ž