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One that doesn't ask for advice but gets the advice forced on them from an advice bully
My coffee maker broke. I'm going to get a new one. The advice bully will give you advice without asking for it.
I saw a reddit post about a person confessing to give bad sex advice
Hym "And the 'Bad sex advice' was this: she instructed people to rub behind the knees, right? And I'm like 'OH SHIT! You were on a Real Sex documentary about a couole sex resort! I watched that!' It was hilarious! And what's-more IT WORKED FOR ME! I mean, that's starting to be a general theme here because it seems like EVERYTHING works for me because I'm a genius but you know what I mean. Still. Funny shit."
Don’t trust Sir Charles Shrek The 1st she ate her puppies and killed a frog
Please listen to this serious advice
Advice that someone gives you in a time of need, but is completely useless because it’s so obvious.
Dude1: « do you know where the tv remote went ? »
Dude 2: « did you look in between the cushions ? »
Dude1: (sarcasticly)Thanks, dude! That’s some real don’t-let-go advice right there ! »
I don't need your advice and that is literally all your going to do.
Hym "You're not going to advice me into not murdering that kid and you improperly framed this situation (deliberately) to justify not doing what I want. The people they have to whom they have lied to look the other way on this need to be made to understand that I'm not going to allow this to have the affect you want it to have. Unless that effect is child murder. You're put your lives in the hands of petty charlatans who are acting solely to keep me from getting what's mine and I will make you regret that decision. Luckily for you, you not me and your decision don't need to be final."
Is this reddit!? Is this an advice column!?
Hym "Do you think I'm looking for advice over here!? I don't need your advice, bitch, I need the thing I said I need. No exceptions. No half-measures. You are fucked. Whatever delusion you have in your shit-filled brain about your fucking chances here need to be dispelled. You need to get on that shooter and get those little fucks to describe what was happening to that kid leading up to the shooting... And link it to ME AND ONLY ME. Stop trying to pathologize my behavior instrumentally so you can JUSTIFY DENYING ME WHAT IS MINE. That's ALL you're doing there. You are trying to create a situation where EVERYONE BUT ME has to matter and NOT EVER ME. And you want me to accept that, for what? It DOESN'T NEED TO BE THE CASE. Why would I let a petty piece of shit like you finger-wag me into not caring about the only thing I care about? Would YOU let me do that to YOU? No. That's all your politics is. Your own neurotic whim. Is your anxiety about not being in a literal solipsistic echo chamber starting to get to you? Is the people around NOT trying to manufacture a mental illness around you starting to make you anxious? You fucks are the most apathetic, empathy-devoid people on the planet. Second only to the solipsistic religious zealots. And the fucked up part is that THERE IS NO ONE ELSE! It's just the 2 of you. But I bet if I would have kissed your ass harder you would have done it, right? Nope. I doubt it."
Yeah, this...
Hym "This was never intended to be 'advice.' I just AM this... Now... More so now than before but still.... Was that and am this now... You're not me is a thing I've said... I think..."