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Random
Prevention from future problems.
Gets a call from a woman. Woman: Hello... Remember the night 9 months ago?
Man: No?
Woman: We had sex...
Man: Aaah... Nice. So you want to do it again?
Woman: The reason why I am calling is to tell you that you have a son.
Man: I am pretty sure I would have known if I had a son, and I guarantee you that I don't have one.
Woman: Enough jokes, funny guy. Your son came out of my stomach last night.
Man: What? But I always use a condom when I have sex... How is that possible?
Woman: Are you saying our son wasn't wanted? You even said you loved me and that you wanted to marry me.
Man: I must really have been drunk that night.
Woman: Get ready to pay child support.
*man shoots himself*
10👍 2👎
The thin pieces of rubber that make life enjoyable.
jonny: daddy, what are condoms?
Dad: son, condoms can break
125👍 69👎
A very useful invention that is used by responsible people in an attempt to protect oneself from unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmited diseases. Usually feel like you are "being intimate" with a plastic bag between the parteners
"Did you hear," Scott didn't wear a condom and he got Sarah pregnant!"
22👍 8👎
Something we need in order to not become pregnant
Boy-Baby how are you pregnant oh wait it's because we didn't use a condoms
Girl- because we didn't use a condom
Something that might've killed you years and years ago
Father: I wish i used a damn condom, Now i have a mistake right infront of me.
Ending world hunger one load at a time.
I knew I should have bought those condoms! Damn kids are hungry again.
To use a condom in manner that does not involve blocking sperm from getting to the egg. This could involve any way of creatively exploring the many uses of a condom including, but not limited to hot air balloons, dental dams, water fights, bag stuffing, suffocation, throwing in a humorous manner, sliding under the door of a person's room while they are getting it on - super on, using as throwing stars, socks, garden gloves, food storage, the thing that holds that goldfish from the fair - but dies anyway, etc. Superman has the ability to spray them out of his eyes (one of his less widely known abilities), thus creating a wall of impermeable substance that flusters his enemies to the point of premature ejaculation. All of this falls under the category of Condoming.
Damn you Superman and your condoming capabilities! My pants are now soiled beyond repair and my reputation with the fabled female is even worse off than it was before.
6👍 1👎