Rural Dictionary

liberals

1. Persons so open minded that their brains have fallen out.
2. Those who have abandoned logic and reason, and rely on 'warm fuzzys' as a sound basis for the making of decisions.
3. Avocates of policy that empowers a strong federal government to enslave its people with the high tax burden incident to the support of extravagant and unnecessary (not to mention unconstitutional) social programs destructive to both the work ethic among the lower class, and the incentive to innovate and succeed among the upper class. In effect: To overthrow the constitution by destroying the basic guarantees of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that its framers ingrained into it. ('...it's like when three wolves and a lamb vote on what to have for dinner...' Liberals are the wolves who punish those in our society who work hard and are successful.)
4. Hypocrites who deride members of the religious right for 'imposing its religion' upon them. Ironically, also guilty of trying to impose its religion upon the religious right... just bitter because the religious right, nation wide, still holds the majority. (Hey, morons: Every law is an imposition of someone's morals on someone else. You're just mad that its not your morals that are being imposed!)
5. Moral elitists who look down with disdain upon the traditional values and faith in the Creator that made this nation the greatest in history. They view those who hold to The Faith as unenlightened and unsophisticated, those who 'just don't get it'.
6. Hypocrites who preach tolerance of all, then openly mock and ridicule Republicans/Christians, deniers of global warming, and others who disagree with them.
They preach environmentalism as they criss-cross the nation in private jets, limos, and SUV's, and pay thousand-dollar electric bills for their multi-million dollar mansions, all while preaching the new national religion (a concept they also claim to oppose) of environmentalism with its apocalyptic 'the-sky-is-falling' global warming BS.
They advocate equality and freedom of choice for all, yet they advocate the progressive tax structure that punishes and takes freedom from those who've succeeded. Yet they favor discrimination against white males whom they blame for all of societies' ills (like driving minorities and the lower class to lives of poverty and incarceration), and avocate affirmative action which furthers the racial discrimination that they claim to have fought to end.
They claim to advocate the elimination of poverty, yet vehemently oppose teaching people how not to become poor: WORK HARD, GET AN EDUCATION, AND KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED TILL MARRIAGE. (Look it up. It really is the way to eliminate poverty...)
They hold steadfastly to the constitution, holding sacred the Bill of Rights, while decrying the two rights that guarantee all of the others: The rights to freedom of the press (McCain-Feingold act, and the fairness doctrine) and the bearing of arms (all gun control).
Opponents of the death penalty for those most deserving of death, advocates of abortion of those most deserving life.
Liberals often refer to themselves as 'progressives'. This is, however, an inaccurate term, as liberalism does not lead to progress. It only tears down time-honored traditions and proven institutions like the family, democracy, faith in God, self-reliance, personal responsibility, hard work, and other things that make our nation great. Liberalism advocates a return to the primal, the carnal, the primitive, the calling of evil good and good evil, and therefore is not progressive. A more accurate term might be 'regressive'.
Liberals come in several variations:
Hollywood liberal: A celebrity who lives a trite, meaningless life in a drug-induced haze of casual sex, infidelity, and amorality, changing spouses like designer shoes, who then lectures the rest of us on what's right and wrong.
Also a member of the Hollywood elite that produces films, music, and tv that portrays the US to the world as a violent, greedy nation of oversexed hedonists with plastic boobs (see Baywatch, Beverly Hills 90210, Desperate Housewives, and other popular American fare airing throughout the world in film and syndication) and then blames George Bush and the Republicans for making the world hate us.
Wine and cheese liberal: (Often synonymous with "Hollywood liberal") Liberals who fly their private jet to town and show up at an event in a limo, while wearing designer clothes and expensive jewelry as they associate with other liberals, bemoaning the miserable quality of life around the world, AIDS, poverty and global warming, the fact that the French hate us, and blaming Americans (or specifically the Republicans) for causing it.
See Bono, Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, George Clooney, Sean Penn, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jane Fonda, Tim Robbins, Madonna, etc...
Poor Liberal: A liberal who sits on his couch all month waiting for the welfare check to come. Claims to be unable to find a job or uses "I'm holding out for a management position" as justification for being unemployed for five years while his wife is out bringing home the bacon.
Poor liberals always vote for candidates who'll show the most 'compassion' to the poor, as they know that 'compassion' is lib-speak for 'welfare'.
Other poor liberals rely on 'compassion' to feed the six kids they had before the age of 21 with six different fathers. They can't rely on the fathers because they're all in prison. They aren't held responsible, because, wine-and-cheese liberals say, it's not their fault. It's the white man's fault for being rich, thereby making them poor.
Still other poor liberals eagerly await the day when they will receive repairations for the injustice of slavery that their ancestors endured, claiming outwardly that that fact alone entitles them (having never been enslaved) to a free ride, while inwardly looking for a way to subsidize a life of laziness and thereby avoid having to work for what they get like the rest of us.
Smart liberal: There is actually no such thing as a smart liberal. The term is an oxymoron. Smart liberals only think they're smart because they work in a university (they work at universites because they're not smart enough to get jobs in the private sector). This is generally speaking of course, as there may actually be one or two somewhere.
Bill Clinton: Not necessarily liberal or conservative, he just parties with liberal chicks 'cause he knows they'll put out. (Such behavior explains, therefore, his advocacy of abortion rights.)
Other types exist, however they really aren't worth mentioning.

Liberals and reason are like fat kids and carrots.

"ummm... like.... I'm totally for pro-choice..." - Jewel

by R. Andreason August 10, 2007

3935👍 2813👎

liberalism

Part I: Definition

Liberalism literally means 'to be liberal' and liberal means 'to be loose'. THIS MEANS that liberals do not want laws. That is vaguely true, and maybe if you can find a conservative anarchist I'll be wrong. Liberalism is the establishment of liberals in politics. They usually vote for and represent democrats, John McCain = exception. Liberals advocate personal freedoms and peace, as well as recognize problems worldwide, and not the ones that only threaten us (Iraq, Afghanistan, but the first one was a hoax to help Halliburton the oil company).

Part II: Bashing
To the peopl who said Liberals are semi-retarded: type into Google 2004 election by IQ. You'll be surprised. It may not be believable at first, but the inability to find a site supporting you will lead to the stomach-turning conclusion.
To the person who said we kill babies 'for no reason': Umm, maybe you forgot that children, while a bundle of joy, cost about 225000 dollars for education, food, the works. this includes tax write-offs. And to the people who said we whine, next time listen to what we whine about. If it isnt about the 13-digit deficit our economy is suffering, which wasnt as bad as the clinton era, its about the Free trade agreement Bush signed which entitles landowners to rule their workers like serfs in the fifteenth century.

Liberalism = reflecting on the world's problems and using judgement to create a future like we've never seen
Conservatism = reflecting on America's problems and using past experiences our country has endured to create a future that can show repetitiveness and therefore we (or 'theye')can make it better this time.

by Diego D. A. May 31, 2006

266👍 175👎

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