Random
Source Code
Random
There is a saying in Scotland ,"Wha's Like Us?", which means Who Compares? Below is a Brief summary of Genius from our small Nation, Although Factual it should be read with tongue in Cheek Especially if you are English.
The average Englishman in the home he call his castle slips into his national costume, a shabby raincoat, patented by Chemist Charles Macintosh (Mac)from Glasgow, Scotland.
En-route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam (Tar Macadam)of Ayr, Scotland.
He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop,(DUNLOP Tyres) Veterinary Surgeon of Dreghorn, Scotland.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland.
During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland.
He watches the news on television, an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland, and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.
He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot, King James VI, who authorized its translation.
He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world Whisky.
He could take a rifle and end it all, but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with penicillin, discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given chloroform, an anesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the anesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.
Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask:
"Wha's Like Us"
Scottish Inventions? "Wha's Like Us?
263👍 64👎
An anal trail of three or more kilted men, with a courtesy reach-around toot for the “engine.”
As long as you bring decent scotch, I’ll save you a spot in the Scottish Toboggan tonight.
When you can't shake someone's hand or pick up your phone because you are double-fisting drinks, either because you are holding your significant other's, or because you're a lush and ordered Scotch and Guinness.
Ahh, crap my phone is ringing and I've got Scottish handcuffs. Hold my beer, damnit!
12👍 2👎
Of or pertaining to a Scotman's genitilia. Specifically used if the said Scotsman is generously hung.
One who is particularly hung and Scottish can also be referred to as a Scottish Snake.
"Good Lord! Look at Sean Connery's Scottish Snake!"
"Sean Connery is a Scottish Snake!"
29👍 6👎
A Traditional Scottish Finger-Blasting
Kendrew created a Scottish Tsunami when he finger blasted Bonny-Lee and she queefed out all the old bagpipe air that was trapped in her twatpipes.
3👍 1👎
Scottish Terrier, Small terrier dogs, Also known as Scotties. available in a choice of black and wheaten. Generally have large backsides and big bushy beards.
Scotties will not rest. Scotties will follow you at every opportunity, everywhere. A scottie dog can only attain a restful sleep if sleeping on a human, preferable with scottie on his back, paws akimbo. From this position a sleeping scott will not stir, even after the human has lost all feeling in his/her limbs.
Scottie dogs are excellent at detecting any alien materials bought into the home, especially food within any given carrier bag.
Scotties are also masterful at retaining large amounts of water in the beard, then jumping on owners knee to impart a wet, slobbery kiss.
Look at that fat bottomed scottish terrier!
35👍 8👎
Having such a large set of testicles that you regularly sit on them.
Did you see that pair on the guy in the kilt? Those things are so big, must be the Scottish curse ...
39👍 9👎