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Everyone has heard an adult human rectum can stretch to 7 inches without tearing; and that raccoons can fit into holes as small as four inches. The Florida Man, takes advantage of those last few inches of clearance with the addition of an adult brown striped Atlantic octopus. Octopi can fit into anything larger than their beak. So to preform the Florida Man, one must simply trap a dumpster raccoon, catch an adult Atlantic octopus, and then hogtie the raccoon using the Optimus’s tentacles. At that point a fair amount of axle grease should ease the transition into the rectum, potato cannons can also be used for extra Florida points. The two animals will then fight to the death in the recipient’s rectum, without ever tearing the sphincter.
Bets should be placed about which animal will come out the victor.
It is also important not to bitch out and use Atlantic Pygmy octopi as they are venomous.
Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen come into the ER? We once had a guy come in with a dead raccoon and a live octopus up his ass. Everyone with him apparently had bets going about which animal would be dead when we removed them. They called it the Florida Man Colonsseum
An Awful virus in which college kids get super sick after spring break.
I just got back from Panama City Beach and now I’ve got the Florida flu.
When homeless men urinate on each other in a public place (beach, side walk, parking lot)
You smell like a Florida shower.
When you fart in a shower stall with the hot water running. Executed properly, the combined smell and humidity should resemble a swamp that's located next to a Wal-Mart Distribution Center.
I ordered the Cuban Nachos from the food truck last night, and had an early meeting this morning, so a Florida Phonebooth was pretty much unavoidable.
1. Leave
2. Why are you still reading?
3. Just fucking leave
Friend- My parents are going to Florida and I wanna go dude
Me- things to do in Florida is a good list like first just leave bro
It is when you take you girlfriend on vacation in south florida. the two of you have a nice dinner and you end the night with sex. as you are about to cum you hold her nose and begin to strangle her and right before you cum, you force your dick in her mouth so she is forced to swallow every drop as she gasps for air. (usually white women will let you do this more than once.)
The south florida drowning
man: hey honey, im horny
woman: lets have sex
man: i heard of a new way for oral sex, can we try it?
woman: yeah sure
man: OPEN YOUR MOUTH BITCH!!!!! OH YEAH, OH YEAH, OH YEAH!!!!
woman:GASPS!!!!! AND GASPS!!!
man: im about to cum!!! give me your neck!!!
woman: GASPS, GASPS, GASPS
man: holy shit!!!!! boooom down your throat!!!!
woman: laying lifeless
man: awaiting trial
Florida flopper is when a person shoots up some heroin that has a bit of fentanyl in it and flops about on the floor until someone relieves with some narcan, the paramedics come, or they die. If they are female and they just go unconscious from the Florida flop they may end up penetrated in any Orphus by one or more of the guys in the room or a female with a foreign object.
Tina woke up from her Florida flopper with a koi up her anus from coy trying a dirty coy on her.