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The death wish that at some point you will inevitably regret making.
Synonym: social suicide
"Hey what classes are you taking next year?"
"Calculus, cooking, ap biology..."
"........it was nice knowing you."
130👍 8👎
AP Biology represents a syndrome of symptoms discussed below.
It is synonymous with "the cure for procrastination."
The days leading to the test are packed with struggle, cynicism, and apathy, but with a good teacher, students can make it. They experience symptoms akin to bacterial meningitis as their brain struggles to process the sheer quantity of information. By the end of the year, however, only the willful and skillful remain.
AP Condition 5 ~ Final Month (2 chapters/day reviewed)
Ap Condition 4 ~ Final 2 Weeks (4 chapters reviewed per day)
AP Condition 3 ~ Final Week (10 chapters per day)
AP Condition 2 ~ Last 3 Days (intravenous red bull injection)
AP Condition 1 ~ AP Test Day
The day after:
At this point, students begin to feel lightheaded. Many may slip into brief periods of unconsciousness as their brain begins to populate the 200-300 petabytes of neuronal storage and memories associated with biology with new cells.
Neurons exit G0 and start dividing once more. Soon, the students will be able to remember their names, their family member's names, and for some even their address.
The subsequent years of healing and therapy will be hard, but students will always know it was worth it. None are procrastinators any longer. AP Biology has either cured them or applied Darwinian principles to their existence.
We will no longer say AP Biology is like drowning. We will say drowning is like AP Biology.
~Gregorious Maximus
*To a student that's gone into shock as his brain has run out of memory from AP Biology*
"Take a chill pill Potter."
~Gregorious Maximus
*When discussing Photosynthesis and the carbon fixation involving RuBP Carboxylase*
"Rubisco is a street term. Only gangsters call it Rubisco. To you, it is R-U-B-P Carboxylase."
~Gregorious Maximus
*When a teacher-observer from administration asks why the children are testing in the dark*
"Tell'er __REDACTED__ "
__REDACTED__ *Robotically *: "The rods within one's eyes dynamically adjust levels of phosphorylated rhodopsin which is a slow process. By shutting the lights off, we can no longer cheat but can barely see our papers."
Gregorious Maximus: "Very good. You will one day be worthy of the title 'Biologist'".
*To students whose work has failed to meet the rigorous standards of format and quality anticipated by the class*
Gregorious Maximus: "This, this is fecal matter!
*To a group of students which turned in differing data in their lab reports*
Gregorious Maximus:
*Breaks Meter Stick In Half* "You have 1 minute to tell me who's data is the most valid."
Students: *Panicking noises*
*Disclaimer: Gregorious Maximus bears no similarities to any real people. He is a transcended being representing everyone's favorite, most loved, most treasured, and hardest teacher.*
24👍 1👎
A never-ending course of destruction and despair rendering innocent, unsuspecting students in an irreparable state of insensibility and incoherent muttering. This course is designed to produce a free and renewable source of distant cries for schools across the nation. 70% of class time is spent doing anything but biology, including but not limited to: chemistry, physics, making tables, inventing new ways to yell at computers, and, of course, math. All AP Bio students will encourage others to take the course next year, so long as they have not had class for at least 2 hours prior and it is not a lab week.
Student A: Hey, how'd your AP Biology lab go?
Student B: Not bad. I only had 10 plants die this time. I finally have one that lived!
Student A: We were only supposed to have 8 plants.
Student B: AP BIOOOO!!!
Student A: How'd you do on the immune system test.
Student B: 28!!
Student A: Niceee
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A time and mind-consuming vortex of dispair, from which there is no excape. It destroys GPA's, self esteem, and dreams of one day becoming a biologist.
I used to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night, but now I have to study for AP Biology and only get 3.
855👍 167👎
the literal and metaphoric translation of "satan". there is no other way to describe this class other than hell, torture, memorization of pointless shit, the biggest GPA sinker since Calc ABCDEFG. If you find pictures of physical deformities useful for memes, though, take this class!
-Hey Craig, how's ap bio going?
-well, last night I lit my ap biology textbook on fire, dried the ashes with all the tears of children in a small Ugandan village, and then let that baby sink to the bottom of the atlantic
-Wow! that sucks
-pretty sure it killed a seagull when it fell. karma!
17👍 2👎
An extensive college course that teaches you absolutely nothing useful. After taking this course, if you did it right, you'll be able to explain cellular respiration and how plants essentially have sex. Though if people asked about these subjects, they'd think you're really smart, the truth is that no one gives a shit so unless you're an AP slut and bring up these topics in daily conversations, this class is yet another example of a completely useless course that everyone takes solely to impress colleges who really shouldn't give a damn. And if you're an AP slut, you deserve a SLAP (get it ? slut + AP = SLAP?)
"Hey this salad is reaaally good. You want some?"
"Nah I'm good, I think my mitochondria have enough glucose from my breakfast to continue with cellular respiration. Thanks though."
"Daa fuck?!"
"Oh you want to know more of this useless, boring information? You should take AP Biology with me."
"You're such an AP slut!"
"Speaking of AP's, do you know the difference between monocots and dicots? Well let me tell you..."
*SLAP
278👍 96👎
A time consuming pain in the ass that should be taken if you really are that curious about the world and why it is the way it is.
Holy shit, AP Biology is a bitch of a class. Oh well, I got an A second semester.
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