American Pounding

A.K.A. Patriot Act

1. A sex act between a man and a woman, which consists in hanging the woman to the ceiling using leather straps for the legs, engaging in rough coitus, beating the woman's rear end blue, letting go off the straps and finishing on her buttocks. Her strap marks represent the stripes, the buttocks the square and the splooge the stars of the flag of the land of freedom, hence the very appropriate name.

Note: The most ideal way to do it is to use exactly thirteen straps, commit the act against the partner's will and/or knowledge, and do it publicly, to brashly deny it afterwards. The woman, or passive partner, also has to be as light-skinned as possible.

At least four variations of this popular sex technique also exist:

The Liberal:
Giving the passive role to a man, the penetrative role to a woman, or both. Bonus points if it's also interracial.

The Conservative:
Shooting down the passive partner and burying the evidence. Bonus points if everything takes place in the cheapest Roadside Motel avaliable and no condoms are used.

Raising the Flag:
Just as the act is finished, stick a pole no less long than a broomstick on the passive partner's mouth. Actually raising the flagpole high above and saluting a possibly inexistant crowd is optional. Overdoing it may however turn the whole thing into a conservative, so be careful.

The Veteran's Day Homage:
Giving your girlfriend/wife to a real veteran for the purpose of this act.

John A: I gave a good American Pounding to Jazznellie last night.

John B: I have always dreamed of doing that shit! How was it??

John A: Son, It was glorious.

38👍 3👎