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Random
Q: How do yo confuse a blond?
A: Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Q: What did Jimmy's grandma get him for Christmas?
A: Nothing. She died on Thanksgiving day.
Q: How do you make an electrician sad?
A: Kill his family.
Q: How do you kill a blond?
A: There are many different ways, but all of them would be wrong, because murder is illegal.
Q: What did the man with no arms or legs get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
Q: What did the women say after her husband hit her?
A: Nothing. She was physically abused for 35 years before committing suicide.
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: It can't be, because numbers are not sentient and do not fear anything.
Q: What does baseball and the Holocaust have in common?
A: They are both sports, except the Holocaust.
Q: Why do black people love chicken?
A: Because it tastes good.
Q: What's worse than rainy days?
A: Getting raped by a giant scorpion.
Q: Why did the Jew pick up the one dollar bill?
A: He dropped it.
Q: How did the fat man survive the plane crash?
A: He didn't he died like everyone else.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was angry. Really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0-200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!"
The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway.
He quickly pulled out a .44 Magnum and murdered her violently.
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife died in a car accident."
A man walks into a bar and orders six shots.
The bartender asks, "Rough day?"
The man replies, "Yes, very rough."
The man later went home and hung himself.
Did you hear about the blond who jumped off a bridge?
She died.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have a gun
Get in the car.
Anti-jokes are hilarious.
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A type of joke that is not a joke at all. It is just a surprising twist on a joke. Kinda like a big middle finger to the face.
Here are some Anti Jokes
Joke:
Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.
Question:
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Knock-Knock Joke:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The police, your entire family died in a car accident
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A joke or riddle-joke that starts like a standard joke or riddle-joke, but then turns out not to be a joke at all. The surprise element thus becoming the joke.
A standard joke turned into Anti-Joke:
A man walks into a bar. His alcohol problem is destroying his family.
Riddle joke turned into Anti-Joke:
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.
Knock Knock joke turned into Anti-Joke
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"It's the police. There has been an accident. Your wife is in intensive care"
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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.
What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus? Nothing, two different species cannot propagate and gene splicing isn't advanced enough to separate the specific traits of an organism.
Q: How do you make a plumber cry?
A: You kill his family
Anti-jokes^
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Any 'joke' that makes you feel a deep sense of regret after the punchline.
2 Typical Anti-Joke Scenarios:
Guy#1: Why did the plane crash?
Guy#2: I dunno
Guy#1: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
*Guy#2 Facepalms*
Guy#1: What did Batman say to get Robin in the Batmobile?
Guy#2: I dunno, what?
Guy#1: Get in the Batmobile!
*Guy#2 Slits his wrists*
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A Joke that's funny because it isn't. Dead baby jokes are so rude and politically uncorrect, they can only be funny, thus an Anti-Joke
How do you get a baby in a bowl?
A Blender.
How do you get it out?
Dorritos.
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