armchair mercenary

an individual, typically male, who incessantly second guesses the outcome of military battles recreated on television. Often addicted to the History Channel, has never served in the armed services, but is an active member of the NRA, an avid gun collector, yet doesn't hunt. Can be somewhat oblivious to spousal interests or needs.

Armchair mercenary: "Bla, bla, bla, then you know honey, if Brigadier General Warren's scouts hadn't found Little Round Top undefended, then Colonel Vincent wouldn't have led his brigade up the hill and set up a picket line. If General Lee's troops had just arrived there, say, just 10 minutes earlier, 20 tops, the Battle of Gettysburg would have been a Confederate victory! The rest would be history! Hey, grab me another beer, would ya?"
Wife: "You are sooo smart, snookums! You're my favorite armchair mercenary! Get your own beer, but just one! Remember? I've got to go, uh..... go and visit my sick friend again."
Armchair mercenary: "Hey, what if the Rebel snipers had had Barrett 50s with match ammo? Where'd I put the remote?

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