Asymptomatic COVID

Carrying infection (the COVID virus) without symptoms of illness.

DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are asymptomatic COVID carrier.

ME: Whaat, bruh? Naw, I feel good! I ain’t infected! What am I infected with?
DOCTOR: COVID, the test was for COVID. You are infected. With the COVID virus.

ME: That’s some bullshit! That ain’t me! I’m good, baby! 100% Beastmode!!
DOCTOR: Sorry sir, but the tests are accurate. You are an asymptomatic COVID carrier and you are at risk of infecting others.

ME: you ain't hearing me? Beast-fuckin’-Mode!

DOCTOR: You’ll need to quarantine yourself and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the spread of COVID.
ME: Quara-what? Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! You want me to die? Thought you was a doctor?!
DOCTOR: MmmKay. Sir. If I may...?

1) stop being a little bitch.

2) think about others you might infect.

3) wear your fucking mask, you bitchass fucktard.

4) Where my copay at, son???

ME: It’s just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati)…fucking masks…
DOCTOR: Oh, and the mask covers you mouth AND YOUR NOSE. Because the COVID virus is up in your nose. So cover your fucking nose, Captain Beastmode. Stethoscope droppppp!!

ASS-CO (asymptomatic covid)

A Public Health term: an easy to understand concept that dumb motherfuckers still ignore.

DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are an asymptomatic COVID carrier. Do you wear a mask?

ME: Asswhaaahh, bruh? Naw, I feel good! How a mask gonna help? My ass ain’t infected!

DOCTOR: I wouldn’t recommend wearing it there. You strike me as a pleasant, but obnoxiously stubborn man. As an ASS-CO (Asymptomatic COVID) carrier, you’ll need to quarantine yourself for two weeks and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the airborne spread of COVID. Also take these pills.

ME: Quarra-what? Ass Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! Masks are just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati). …wut Pills?

DOCTOR: Magic Brain Pills (MBPs) that will temporarily make you smart enough to wear the ASS-CO mask over your mouth AND nose. As we cheerfully say in healthcare, “Don’t be a dumb cunt who can’t wear a mask correctly!”