Australian Tailgate

An Australian Tailgate is considered one of the most obscene and profane form of suicide. This act can also be used for murder, but due to its length and complexity, is more common as a suicidal act.

First, you must freeze enough bleach to make a 3 foot long rod capable of fitting in your asshole. Once this is complete, you begin to tie yourself, by your feet, to the ceiling while inserting the rod of bleach into your supple asshole, resembling a tail. Once this is complete, you proceed to allow an emu to tear off your clothes while turning up the heat to allow the bleach tail to melt into your system. As the rod/tail begins to melt, you begin to suck the tip of the emus beak as it regurgitates your clothes back into your own mouth. By the time all of the clothes have been thrown up into your digestive system, the rod of bleach should be fully melted, killing you from the inside out.

For those whose lives are upside down, an Australian Tailgate can erase that frown.

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