australian minute

A unit of time used in Arsetralia and New Zealand, the complete opposite of a New York minute. In terms of normal Northern Hemisphere time units, it's equal to anywhere between 5 to 17 minutes. Approximately the time you need to take a comfortable dump in the toilet.

ORIGIN: The hours, minutes, and seconds move very slowly in Aussie-land and Kiwi-land compared to most of the Northern Hemisphere where actual human beings live. Aussies have nothing else to do than go surfing, drinking all day, and taking a nap in the afternoon (yet they are paid so handsomely well compared to hard-working people in most other countries who struggle for bare necessities). Following the Aussie Rules of time undoubtedly makes them one of the laziest people in the world.

The same unit can be used in the Northern Hemisphere to convey the need for a break or timeout.

You cannot hold an Aussie or New Zealander to the same standards of punctuality as everyone else (they're basically the same country; don't fall for their pretend bullshit that they are different people). Hence, the need for a standard of time that can be used for informal communication with these people (even formal communication).

1. Aussie co-worker: "G'day mate. I'm taking a Sickie (sick leave). Wanna hang out and get wasted?"

You: "Sorry, mate. I have to work hard so I don't get fired. I want to be able to afford my rent so I don't have to go live on the streets again."

Aussie coworker: "Crikey! Just bring over your lappy (laptop) with ya. Tell your boss you're going off to meet clients or something."

You: "Listen, you lazy Aussie Drongo! I don't have an Australian minute to spare right now. So rack off and let me concentrate."

2. Somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere

Friend: "Buddy boy, come out right now. We're gonna go out pick some chicks at the bar."

You: "I'm gonna be right there. Just give me an Australian minute, ok? I'm taking a shower."

Friend: "What the hell is an Australian minute?"

You: "It's a unit of time. You'll soon find out. Just keep watching YouTube videos on your phone."

(35 minutes later)

Friend: "I watched an entire Netflix episode of Bridgerton. Is that an Australian minute?"

You: "No, that would be TWO Australian minutes. I'm so sorry for being an Australian minute late."

3.

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