Briggsy Bongos

When a homosexual gentleman repeatedly slaps the buttocks of his arse-uppermost love-chum, using both hands on both cheeks, he is said to be playing the Briggsy Bongos. This was named in honour of the sex-crazed modern artist who, in the 1990s, beat the bum-drums of teenage boys in art colleges throughout south-east Asia and the English midlands.

Quentin, why on Earth are your divine fingertips bright purple?!

Oh, Melvyn! I met a delightful young man in the Tate Modern lavatories (you know the middle stall on the first floor?) and he simply begged me to bend him over the cistern and play the Briggsy Bongos until he needed new skins.