Captain Fucking Obvious

Someone who is such a Captain Obvious that you can just smack them in the face and rip their hair out.
Someone who doesn't understand when someone is using sarcasm or when to just shut the fuck up

Joe: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Billy Jean: "To get to the other side?"
Joe: "He didn't! He was too chicken!"
Billy Jean: "HAHAHA, that joke was so funny it's killing me!"
CAPTAIN FUCKING OBVIOUS: "Oh shit! She's dying someone get her a doctor!"
Billy Jean: "Hey Captain fucking obvious it was a joke you dumbass motherfucking shithead go suck a dick and choke and die on it."