canada isn't real

Contrary to popular belief, Canada does not actually exist. The land above America that most simpletons think is "Canada" is actually just snowy land that is uninhabitable for the current human. Wild creatures and demons live here, like the Abominable Snowman. This land is used as a nuclear waste dump for a bunch of countries, as well as the home of a fat old pedo named santa (who also dumps his nuclear waste there). The world tries to convince us that Canada exists for one obvious reason: Communism. It is clear that the story of Canada's origination is false as well. Here is some solid evidence: If Canada was founded by England, why do they speak French? How do these so-called shockingly nice citizens transcend human's natural instincts of being evil and selfish? Where do they get all of that maple syrup? How does their prime minister have such a smexy booty? These questions all lead to the conclusion that Canada simply is a lie. It is a land filled with Communism and evil. One of the biggest evils deriving from this land is bagged milk. It is general knowledge that bagged milk causes minors to be taken to Canadian Hell by Canadian Satan, where they experience a painful death. But since Canada isn't real and bagged milk is from Canada, then bagged milk isn't real so you don't have to worry about these rumors that have been created to prevent outsiders from traveling to canada and exposing the truth.

Simpleton: I'm travelling to Canada to eat maple syrup and poutine
Intellectual: You moron. You will be killed by Santa and the Commies to protect their lies. In the worst case scenario, the moose god could attack you. You should know by now that Canada isn't real.

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