Captain Apple Sack

A male who wears his pants pulled up as high as possible and in general too tight thus, exposing a bulge from his testicles. Most likely every office across the country has about one or two of these. While Khakis expose the most, casual Fridays with jeans tend to look the most painful for this captain of crotch crunch. Common characteristics of such beings include being uptight, not much fun, boring conversationalists, ultra neat and tidy.

Jen: “Don’t invite Stewart to go out with us after work, he’s too uptight.”

Suzie: Yeah, you can tell he’s uptight even before he speaks a word because he is a Captain Apple Sack.”