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In a classroom or work setting captain douche would be the most egotistical and outgoing guy. He loudly shares his political opinions, life lessons and sexual exploits. He may be a loner or in a group of other douche friends but he far exceeds them with his obnoxious outgoing nature.
"THERE AREN'T ENOUGH CHICKS IN THIS CLASS!"
"I'M TO THE RIGHT OF LIMBAUGH"
"LIBERALS!? WORK! THAT'S A FIRST."
If you hear these types of phrases on a daily basis from this individual, you are dealing with a captain douche.
He is the founding last super hero of our time! He plays golf with freckled kids! He likes to Break Bread and go Water Fishing! His powers are dance to Techno music with hot chicks! He then Cleans his fridge with Fabric softner and yells at crocidiles because they have too much teeth and never see the dentist!
Little Boy: oh my god some buddy kill me!
Captain Douche Bag: how about no dumass! maybe you should be happy fuck face!
Little Boy: why captain douche bag no one likes me!
Captain Douche Bag: cause your a pussy!
Little Boy: im really sorry sir! i promise to stop wetting the bed!
Captain Douche Bag: good now go protect the planet from Beastiality Porn!!!
THEME SONG!
Captain Douche Bag is a fucking guy with a mask!
He'll eat the rest of the Steak Sauce!
Then he will cry you nothing cause you suck!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Captain Douche Bag is a fucking guy with a cape!
He'll do back flips on chicken tenders from Hot'n Now!
Then he will pee on your bed blaming it on you!!!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Kids: We love Captain Douche Bag!! YAY!!!!!!
Captain Douche Bag is a fucking hero with Attitude!!!
He'll race you to the Laundry Mat!! And wash his clothes!
Then he will burn the Kmart store down! cause it sucks!!!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
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One who so excels at being a douchebag, they have been appointed to a position of leadership among their douchebag crew.
"That guy doing the guido dance - total douche captain."
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