Captain Tom

the act of placing one's penis upon the back of another, preferably while recipient is sleeping

"I was just taking a nap during the dinner break of the 15k event when I awoke to find a creepy old man giving me a Captain Tom. How sick is that???"

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Captain Tom

When you can’t quite push out the Alabama hot pocket to your girl like an old man who fits knighted for walking

I tired to Alabama the Mrs last night but captain Tom got in the mix

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Captain Tommed

Being fooled by a money grab disguised as a charitable cause. Usually by unscrupulous thieves in denial about their actions.

I donated to that charity the other day but it turns out my money went towards paying someone's daughter a salary for buying new shoes!

I was utterly Captain Tommed!