Cashew Pizza

Cashew Pizza

It is a pizza that has Cashews in it. It is the best type of pizza in the whole entire world. Any pizza can become a cashew pizza. All one has to do is to sprinkle cashews and a bit of virgin blood of young North Korean girls or preferably your mom's blood. Once a year, a man of high importance like a world leader has to secretly shove TWO cashew pizzas. One down his throat and one up to his rectum. Then the pizzas would be removed surgically after 2 hours and be offered to the pizza gods. Without this pizza or the ritual, the world will end as we know it.

There is a secret cult of the Cashew Pizza.
The cult's name is: The cult of Cashew Pizzas
To become a member, one has to donate their soul to Bill Gates or any other rich man. Like an oil tycoon.
Then, once you have been given clearance and approval, you will eat cashew pizzas for the rest of your existence and will constantly whip yourself on the streets to show your devotion to the pizza gods. As a member, your ultimate goal is to seduce 72 virgins and extract their pussy juice and blood. Then you have to offer it to the Pizza gods. Once this step has been completed, you will receive eternal life and will have the power to become a powerful leader of a country you so desire. A prime member is Vladamir Putin, ever notice how he barely seems to age? That's because he is a follower of the cashew pizza cult.

I will ritualistically sacrifice my soul for THE chance to be a member of the Cashew Pizza cult.