Colonel Fire

The postition given to a man that exceeds the expectations of crack addicts and sex offenders. He patrols the hall of a dorm to make sure there's no fires or fire hazards. This man has a built in fire hose. Also has an office in the community bathroom.

Zach: Fire!!!

Matt: Go get Colonel Fire!

Zach: Can't, he's in the office.

Matt: FML!