Cranking the Horn

Masturbating in a comedic fashion. Or to masturbate as a means of time-wasting for mild enjoyment.

Guy 1: What did you do at the weekend?
Guy 2: Nothing much just sat at home cranking the horn.
Guy 1: What?
Guy 2: You know, beating my soldier, caressing my shaft, you know, treating the little guy.
Guy 1: Ohhhhh, yeh same, I wanked until it hurt me physically. We really need girlfriends.