DADDY HAS SHIT ON HIS MIND

When a father screws up a seemingly simple task, this is the explanation he will use.

Mom sent Dad to the store for an 8 pound turkey, but he misread the label and brought home a 20 pound bird.
“Dad, couldn’t you tell the difference between 8 pounds and 20 when you picked it up?”

“DADDY HAS SHIT ON HIS MIND!”