Diarrhea Scale

A scale used to measure the type of diarrhea you have as well as how painful it is and goes as follows:

(1.0) Diarrhea: Your typical liquidy poo.

(2.0) Explosive Diarrhea: Liquidy poo under high pressure.

2.5 Fiery Diarrhea: Liquidy poo with a distinct burning sensation.

(3.0) Napalm Diarrhea: Liquidy poo armed with the combined force of explosive diarrhea and the burning sensation of the fiery diarrhea.

(4.0) Stomach Cramps: Those awful pains in your gut that make you feel like you got punched in the balls.

(4.5) Hell: Extremely painful stomach cramps caused by explosive diarrhea.

(5.0) Fiery Hell: Excruciating stomach cramps with the feeling your butthole is on fire, literally.

(5.5) Brown piss: When loud farts and moans and groans from your stomach cramps aren't humiliating enough, brown piss will get rid of all your masculinity when a straight stream of water shoots out of your ass and makes a louds spashing noise for everyone to gather round and hear.

(Miscellaneous diarrhea term) cease fire: A very very very relaxing calm either after or between bad stomach cramps, when they are a symbol of colon wide peace it can be over joying, but sometimes your colon plays a cruel trick on you and starts the stomach cramps right back up again.

(10.0) Nuclear diarrhea: Liquidy poo, under enough pressure to blow up Hiroshima.

Patient: I'm afraid Doc, my diarrhea is getting worse.
Doctor: Using the Diarrhea scale describe to me your diarrhea.
Patient: Well on the first day it was only around a 1.3, but the next day it jumped straight to 3.5 and by the end of the day was a solid 5. The next day it was at a 5.3 the next it was a 5.5 and today it was a 5.9.
Doctor: When was your last cease fire?
Patient: 3 days ago.
Doctor: Mother of God...

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