Something bad, or something that doesn't perform as espected.
My new phone is absolute dogwank. It's useless.
The word 'dogwank' defines to a persons' skill in a specific activity of their choice. In this case, dogwank means really, quite tragic, diabolical, you name it, anything bad.
when someone plays football and messes up almost every time attempting a skill move e.g a roulette, " Mate, His skills are absolute dogwank!!"
A useless, unreliable, human specimen who lets you down, uses you and is completely rubbish
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The act of arousing and satisfying your dog (or cat), by gently rubbing their genitals with your fingers (or tongue if you wish) while sitting on the sofa watching an episode of Eastenders.
"So what did you get up to last night?"
"I stayed in a gave Rover a good old dogwank before letting him lick his jizz off my hand and face"
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