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The Dutch Lobster is not a sexual act, it's a Lobster from Holland. However, it sounds like a sexual act, at least to British and American ears.
The joke is asking someone if they know what a 'Dutch Lobster' is, and laughing as they explain the most lurid sexual act they can think of.
The term was coined by Simon Travaglia as part of his satirical column 'BOFH' on The Register website in 23rd September 2005
"What the hell's a Dutch lobster?" the Boss asks.
"You've not travelled, have you?" the friend sighs, shaking his head.
1. A homosexual act where one man engages in anal sex with another man and grabs his man boobs so hard that it leaves "claw" marks.
2. A sexual act, where a man has vaginal sex from behind, clutching her breasts so hard that it leaves "claw" marks, and just prior to orgasm, withdraws his penis and inserts it in her anus.
3. Another sexual act, the woman penetrates her man anally with the use of a "strap on", and grasps his man boobs so hard as so to leave marks.
1. Mark's partner Richard was so fond of giving him a Dutch Lobster that he had to wear t-shirts in the summer to cover the scratches.
2. Me: Dude, we were so wasted last night, my girl let me give her a Dutch Lobster
Dude: No way!
Me: Yeah, but she made me pay for it.
Dude:How?
Me: I gotta be the Designated Driver to her friends baby shower next weekend.
3. Girlfriend: I can't believe my man!
Gay Male Friend: What happened?
Girlfriend: He got me wasted and did the old Dutch Lobster on me!
Gay Male Friend: Well... What did you do?
Girlfriend: Got my old strap-on, waited til he fell asleep, and gave him a Dutch Lobster!
Gay Male Friend: Oh girl, next time invite me over for a little Lobster!
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