Eilish Syndrome

Eilish Syndrome (AKA Attention-Deficient Egocentrism Disorder) is a debilitating birth defect which substantially damages brain development of the tweenage females. Patients develop a compulsive need for attention and sympathy from everyone within range of possible contact. Often this is to compensate for crippling low self-worth and low popularity status in social circles. The name refers to the rates of this disorder among spoiled tweenage Billie Eilish fans. This disorder is extremely difficult to treat as it can be indistinguishable from other illnesses such as Down Syndrome, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Attention Whorism, and being a manipulative asshole

Symptoms remain dormant until around the age of 11 or 12 when the female is expected to begin undergoing pubertal changes and experiences prolonged exposure to internet faggotry. Patients are measured to be within the 50-70 IQ range, and are estimated to be comparatively intelligent to a lobotomized toddler.

Permanent treatment for Eilish Syndrome can be done through lobotomy or euthanasia. Treatment to alleviate symptoms can be applied with aggressive smacking of the face. The American Psychological Association recommends the dorsal (back) side of the hand to make contact with the face during treatment (also known as the "Bitch Slap"). Other treatments include kicking down flights of stairs, tossing from third storey balconies, and extensive roasting sessions.

Alicia's snapchat story: YO FAM, ISTG I'M SO DONE WITH PEOPLE NOBODY FUCKING TALK TO ME. I'M DELETING ALL SOCIAL MEDIA Y'ALL ARE BARE SNAKES, IF YOU SB YOU'RE GETTING BLOCKED, I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS DEPRESSION.
Greg(reacting): uh what happened, is she okay?
Bobert(also reacting): nah, she'll be fine in 15 minutes, it's just Eilish Syndrome

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Billie Eilish Syndrome

Also known as fake depression, this is when teenage white girls listen to Billie Eilish, pretend to have anxiety, and diagnose themselves with mental illnesses. They pretend to have mental breakdowns and then dye their hair purple and get bangs.

Man who has been through divorce, alcoholism, abuse, and poverty: Hey what's up kid?

Girl with Billie Eilish syndrome: you wouldnt understand. you dont know my pain

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