Fap Aficionado

Like the great Shaolin Monks of the majestic Tibetan Monasteries, fap aficionados must go through incredible amounts of training and meditation to achieve seminal enlightenment.

Now, there are two key words that all fap aficionados must know: speed and endurance.

The average joe will often finish masturbating in 9-15 minutes, as studies show. However, a fap aficionado will be able to blow these times out of the water with a staggering 45 seconds-2 minutes (and that takes dedication!).

To be able to go so hard, the fap aficionado must learn how to endure the pain and sheer intensity of the “2-minute quickie”, as this is a very hard thing to do. One must exercise their hand muscles to the point of being able to crush an unripe walnut with one singular hand.

But this is not all, young child, the fap aficionado must also know how to do the fap and piss maneuver. This specific technique takes ages to master, and can cause the “doer” of the task extreme pain, or even nut shut.

With these skills and traits combined, anyone who has a penis can master their shaft and become one of the greats.

Marv: Bro, you’ll never get done in time, the teacher’s gonna ask where you are!

Billy: Relax Marvin, I’m a fap aficionado, I can handle this.