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Groom of the Stool

The servant that wipes the King’s ass after he takes a shit.

After the King contracted food poisoning, the Groom of the Stool had their work cut out for them.

by The Real Joulie November 16, 2022


Groom of the Stool

The Groom of the Stool helped a king with toiletry, excrement, and other messy bodily functions. This was simultaneously one of the most repugnant and sought-after duties in the English royal castle. The Groom of the Stool was well-paid to keep the king's secrets. Although the duties were literally wiping shit off the king, the position was not considered a lowly one. The Groom of the Stool could pass secret messages to and from the king. One word from the Groom of the Stool was enough to change the fortunes of anyone in the royal court. He could act as a gatekeeper to grant access to the king in private.

H. R. Haldeman was chief of staff in the Nixon white house. He was a Groom of the Stool in that he kept Nixon's secrets and did some of his dirty work.

That chief of staff we hired last month is a real Groom of the Stool. He spends all his time cleaning up after the CEO and knows the secrets of every director. Never cross him or your ass is out the door.

by Ardias November 17, 2022