you had one job

Response to failing to do the one and only thing you had to do. This is told, either in a disgusted, mocking, or angry tone to people, animals, inanimate objects, and anything else that fails to complete the simple task for which it was designed.
A way to express total fail, epic fail, especially when the one job was very simple.

To a cheap park bench that broke while I was sitting on it, "You had one job, park bench!"
To an accountant who was fired for inaccurate computing of business records. "You are supposed to be an accountant, right? You had one job, Sandy."
To a friend about my broken down car, "Damnit, it had one job!"

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I had one but it died

An expression one uses when one is insulting/spreading gossip about someone, and the given person walks into the room.

Yeah man Kerren is the biggest fucking whore to ever grace...Kerren walks in
Yeah so actually, I had one, but it died.

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you had one job

What bad guys say to their henchman when they either fail their task or get distracted.

Chicken Run lady: You had one job, Mr. Tweedy!

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You Had One Job

A meme that is meant to draw attention to blunders made on the job.

Guy 1: Are those Doritos in the Fritos isle?
Guy 2: You had one job, store manager!

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had to name that one

A large bowel movement which leaves you with a burning rectum from the large fecal mass painfully stretching the sphincter muscle.

Man I took a dump and it was so big I had to name that one.
(comparing the bowel movement to delivering a child)

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I had one but the wheels fell off

A sarcastic reply, used when you don't understand what the other person is saying (commonly technical).

Frenchie: C'est ville quos muos pume rouge j'aime marsh'mallo
Paul: I had one but the wheels fell off.

or

Person A: All you have to do is remove the hydraulic overhead slip ring so the cam will meet the side flange.
Person B: Yeah, I had one but the wheels fell off.

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Wouldn't know what to do with a pussy if he had one.

What is said of a guy that knows almost nothing about sex. For example nerds,noobs,strightedges/strightasses,bible thumpers,mama's boys ect.

That nerd wouldn't know what to do with a pussy if he had one.

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