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Random
When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.
I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.
14👍 5👎
Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Taking matters into your own hands
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."
"Jeremy, finding himself all alone, with a ready supply of porn, decided to take his sausage hostage."
87👍 4👎
Roughing up the witness.
A date with Rosy Palm and her five sisters.
Washing the goose's neck.
22👍 8👎
roughing up the suspect.
rub one out.
Instead of holding the sausage hostage, I decided that I'd be roughing up the suspect.
17👍 6👎
Nah...
Hym "I think you're holding happiness hostage. 'You don't deserve to be happy unless you adopt one of the acceptable axiomatic frameworks of perception and if your refuse to do it I'm justified in cannibalizing you.' Is what you're really saying. No. Not doing it AND I'm not going to let you punish me for not doing it. I'll punish you for trying to punish me. You'll look like an complete idiot. I'll do the thing I was going to do anyway. Everybody wins."
So... The retard is going to hold the thing he stole hostage to get more money... Fun... That reminds me of that old joke... How does it go? A retard, a guy who's known for stealing everything he has from another guy, and a guy no one had ever heard of walk into a bar...
Hym "They're trying to hold A.I. hostage. They're using it to commit genocide. This is ridiculous. You know what I need to do? I need to google my nearest orphanage... Buy some gas... Light it on fire... And jump off a bridge. That is my response to this news article."
Chris: Hey Jack, whats an entertaining way to masturbate?
Jack: Try holding the sausage hostage.
Chris: Oh my god it works!