I don't hold a hose

Australian slang for 'not my fucking job'.
Coined during the devastating bushfires of the Australian black summer of 2019/20, as the Prime Minister Scott Morrison took holidays in Hawaii, when asked by a journalist to help the people affected, Scotty from Marketing replied: 'I don't hold a hose'.

'Could you help me finish these reports? I'm snowed under and the deadline is tonight.'
'Sorry mate, I don't hold a hose.'