If only

A retort that means, "What you've just said is plainly not true, although I certainly wish it were."

"I'm never going to call or e-mail you again." "If only!"

"Aren't you worried about the Republicans? Once they get into office, they'll reduce the size of government." "If only!"

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If only

it can be used to mean i wish this would happen. or it can also be used as a phrase rto mean maybe if this happens then....

person1: if only i were queen of the world.
person2: if only i was older than maybe he'd like me.

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If only

A less assertive phrase to substitute for "as if", which was commonly used during the Valley Girl phase most frequently in the western United States. (sarcasm.)

Guy: You know you want to hook up with me!
Girl: {{prsh} If only! Keep troopin`.

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The Only

When something is so intensely something, it is literally THE ONLY thing of it's kind in specific genre. Can be good, bad or indifferent.

I have THE ONLY headache.

I have to take THE ONLY piss.

She has THE ONLY eyes, dude.

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only

biggest, coolest, most important, worst, any extremety.

"we were making brownies and we made the only mess."

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if and only if

A term used by mathematicians and logicians to indicate that something happens under very specific conditions. Often seen in proofs and theories.

1) The sum a geometric sequence is given by a/(1-r) if and only if |r| < 1.

2) In a bar:
dumped guy: "My girlfriend left me because I told her I loved her!"
other guy: "What a bitch!"
dumped guy: "No, it's all my fault, she's a mathematician, and I should have said 'I love you and only you'".

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onliness

Definition of onliness

plural -es

: the quality or state of being the only one working of an indicated or implied kind or category <was the only person and was lonely in his onliness>

I looked around and said damn I am the oldest and onliness working out here....

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