JV'ed

To be sexually assaulted in a manner that is as utterly creepy as it is offensive. So absurdly creepy, that it crosses a boundary that seperates the creepers from the offensively awkward, which is to say, a huge fucking boundary. Getting JV'ed could include these acts, but are not exclusive to these. Getting JV'ed is a broad definition that broaches the subject of why exactly people like this with the weak moral fiber loosely resemebling that of a wet fishnet aren't locked up in a maximum security facility directly next to the likes of Charles Manson. Here is what to look for.

1. Windowless Vans (or a 2004 Red Impala, depends on where you are, I guess).

2. A fair amount of skulking (see: creeping up from behind to nibble on your shoulder or gently caress your rear end).

3. Frequent phone calls to apologize only to deny that the sexual assault ever took place.

4. A wrap sheet longer than Stretch Armstrong fully taut full of 1st degree sexual assaults and sexual misconducts.

5. Lisps. And awkward pauses in conversation.

Those are just a few of the many things you should look for when you believe you are being JV'ed, Heaven forbid. Here are some tips and tricks on how to avoid a 2nd molestation, or how to avoid an assault all together.

1. If you spot a possible JV'er (usually short, with short hair, and inconceivably small hands), do not engage in conversation that he enjoys (which is baseball, slow pitch softball, and financial statements).

2. Remember that alcohol is a potential JV'er's fuel to lose all his inhibitions, and will only help him lose his will to keep his creepy little elven hands off your ass.

3. If he asks you to play beer pong, say no. Trust me on this one.

4. Stay out of photographs with him. He'll just untag them anyways.

So, now you know how to avoid a JV'ing. This is quite possibly the worse sexual harassement available. If you stick to this guide, you should be at an advantage to avoid being sexually harassed in the most awkward way known to man.

"Oh jeez, Sheryl, did you see that sex offender standing next to me gently caressing my ass while whispering the words to 'Every Breath You Take' by the Police to me?"

"Sick, he really JV'ed the shit out of you."

2👍 9👎