Joseph Hazelnut

The infamous coffee-imbibing Captain of the U.S.S. Juan Valdez that ran aground in Alaska's Prince William Sound and spilled huge quantities of Colombian coffee into the bay.

Somebody at X-on shoulda known better than to hire a sea-captain with a name like Joseph Hazelnut --- both his first AND last names would give a normal person da coffee-jitter nerves... "joe" is slang for coffee, and "hazelnut" is an actual FLAVOR of coffee... NOT a good combination for calm and alert piloting of a huge tanker-vessel through the reef-laced waters off Alaska!!