Keith Vaz

An amnesic bald washing machine salesman from Leicester with a predilection for Romanian male sex workers and cocaine.

Keith prefers to discuss paid-for sex using the term 'redecorating my flat' .

Any official investigation into the washing machine salesman is hampered by his repeatedly failing to answer direct questions, giving incomplete answers and non-cooperation despite his background in providing oversight of important elements of the criminal justice system, including the police and the criminal law.

'I've got a big job on tonight; got to redecorate Keith Vaz's flat'

'Can't stop mate, got to deliver this snow to Mr Vaz. He's having another suds party at his flat'

'Buna ziua- boonuh zeewah Mr Vaz, do you need Marius, Florin and Dragos to come an dredecorate your flat again this week?'