Kelamis Maneuver

An act of self-defense against 3 or more people where the victim toe-kicks the first attacker in the testicles so hard that the kicker elevates himself off the ground by no less than four inches, followed by a swift left hook to the second attacker, and then after being knocked to the ground by the third attacker, while being kicked, the victim grabs the third attacker's ankle and hyperflexes it plantarflex so much that every ligament snaps and the attacker falls to the ground. Often, after this entire incident the victim will look up and discover two police officers down the street who were oblivious to the entire ordeal.

Did you hear what happened to Johnny? Some guys tried to jump him and steal his watch, so he pulled out the Kelamis Maneuver.

The urologist said it was the worst case of blunt trauma to the testicles that he's ever seen. He said the only explaination for this would be the Kelamis Maneuver. After calling down to the ER and discovering another patient with torn ankle ligaments, his suspicion was confirmed.

He Kelamis Maneuvered his ass so hard that he inadvertently ruptured the guys prostate at the same time.

After being Kelamis Maneuvered, his taint was so swollen it made it impossible for him to sit down.

11👍 1👎