Kwanzaa Cake

Another lame, borderline racist cultural interpretation of "ethnic cuisine" by the Food Network's lily-white blonde hack, Sandra Lee. There is absolutely nothing natural about this cake; everything is store-brought and loaded with additives and artificial ingredients and sugars. Not only is it bloody offensive to people of African descent, but chefs, foodies and doctors all should take umbrage as well. Observe and try to refrain from barfing:

1 (10 to 12-ounce) purchased angel food cake
1 container (16 ounce) vanilla frosting
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (21-ounce) container apple filling or topping
1 (1.7-ounce) package corn nuts
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds, toasted
1/2 cup popped popcorn

Special Equipment:
Kwanzaa candles
Using a serrated knife, cut cake horizontally into 2 layers. Place bottom cake layer, cut side up, on a serving platter. Mix frosting, cocoa powder, vanilla, and cinnamon in large bowl until combined. Spread about 1/4 of the frosting over top of cake layer on platter. Top with second cake layer, cut side down. Spread remaining frosting evenly over top and sides of cake to coat completely. Spoon apple pie filling into hole in center of cake. Place candles atop cake. Sprinkle top of cake with some corn nuts, pumpkin seeds, and popcorn. Sprinkle remaining corn nuts and pumpkin seeds around base of cake.

Sandra: Tarqueesha, can I tell you, Happy Kwanzaa, by brown sister! YOU are going to LLLLLLLOVE this awesome Kwanzaa Cake that I have prepared to prove that I like people darker than me!

Tarqueesha: Bitch, what the HELL are you trying do with that fucked up cake - kill me? First of all, it's loaded with additives and high fructose corn syrup, bitch! And second of all, I DON'T FUCKING CELEBRATE KWANZAA. BE OUT!!!! Come to my fucking house again, Blondie, and I WILL GET GHETTO ON YOUR ASS AND CUT YOU.

At this point, Sandra, terrified of the angry black woman who obviously doesn't know her place, pees on herself, drops the offending cake, and runs to her car....

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