Rural Dictionary

Malta

Fortress island in the centre of the Med. Together with Gozo and Comino forms part of Maltese Archipelago. Home to 380,000 Maltese and sun-burnt tourists. Highest density of churches and pre-history per sq km in Europe. Higher density of bad roads, great beer, fresh bread, corrupt politicians, entrepreneurs, building sites, five-star hotels, lazy fat cats and cars with 'I love Jesus' and 'Jesus loves me' stickers. National football team famously once lost 12-1 to Spain in a World Cup qualifier, seriously tarnishing reputation in the Netherlands, who suspect foul play to this day. Record for most air raids in World War 2. Somehow survives, despite thousands of years of turbulent history and no natural resources other than the general craftiness and stubborness of the nation.

I'm trapped on the constipated island of Malta. I don't know if I should escape or stay here for ever.

The day after the atom bomb, there were the first signs of life in the island of Malta.

by Max L Fly February 26, 2005

171👍 161👎

Malta

An island in the mediterranean populated by xenophobic locals, the island is run down by corrupt political parties and will assassinate you if you dare make a public negative post talking about them. They also aren't accepting and have a dislike of POCs (People Of Colour) or those who are associated with the LGBTQIA+ community. They are also known for their bad grammar. Common phases in malta are:

"Go beck to yuor kantri" "Go kill yuors selves faggit poufta"

"I went to Malta last summer, it was disgusting"

by slim thicc anorexic baddie hoe November 23, 2021

9👍 10👎

Malta

Some island in the Mediterrenean. Consists of 3 smaller islands, Malta, Gozo and Comino (that's why they call it an archipelago really). Malta is densley populated (imagine 400,000 citizens living in your back garden), is visited by old retired pensionants who are really desperate to spend all their money in some five star hotel with a crappy service. Out of 10 people picked out at random, 9 of them go to church every day...while the other one practically lives in church. Far too sunny, a sea that smells, "modified" cars i.e.some speaker and a metal sheet molded and crafted to form a spoiler and some side skirts. Maltese speak some language stolen from the Arabs.
Once in Malta you will regularly meet a new strange human species, the "sendikajr" they call it. These are just extreme nosy parkers whose only job is to know what are the neighbours doing. The most social area in Malta is the "super"market, where they sell food..sort of.... Here the "sendikajr" shares the news aquired during the previous day, such as how much times did Mary go to the toilet, when did she shower, when she slept with Ganni the butcher etc etc. Also, here news get amazingly modified to suit the sendikajr's pleasures.
Clubs in Malta suck. Such that teens say they have fun listening the songs of some amateur DJ during the weekend. They just stand there doing nothing except nod with their head with the beat of the music....DUM DUM DUM, ZRINZ ZRINZ ZRINZ etc.
On the Maltese roads, US astronouts test their boogy moon vehicles. They produce the same effect due to the disgraceful state of the streets.
The government workers (known in Malta as "tal-gvern") are amazingly inefficient. They do nothing properly, they walk slow, and eat a lot while at work. It's some sort of addictiveness I guess. To fix some small pot hole, 15 government workers are needed, with the difference that only 2 of them do the job while the rest sit down on some bench eating sandwiches. The problem is that a pot hole is changed into a small hill by these workers.
Education in Malta sucks due to the fact that Malta is so small that there isn't enough work for graduated students. So the ministry of education had the genial idea to harden every exam. This turned out to be very effective, since suicide rate increased and mortuaries had to employ more workers.
It sucks at the point that there are only 2 political parties, Nationalist and Labour Party and a smaller one known in Malta as the Green Party. The Labour party has been in opposition since ages ago due to the fact that it was overthrown off power since it sucked bad.
A large amount of rest-of-the-world-banned trees that cause asthma are exibited in Malta and produce lovely red, pink and white flowers.
Churches can be found in the same amount of McDonalds in New York and are very strict.
Public Transport is the worst i have ever met. Remember the old Leyland buses? They still use them in Malta. Then there is the only ship company to travel between Malta and Gozo. They thank you for using their company (called Gozo Channel) before each voyage during an announcement. The pun is that it's the only ship company, so as long as you don't decide to swim it, they have nothing to thank you for.
Highly cultured, well uneducated, boring and entertaining to old tourists, Malta bears the honor of never loosing a battle, maybe a proof of the citizens' stubborness.

Malta is a small island

If you go to Malta you'll meet the president on the bus

by Disastrous_innit? June 30, 2005

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