newspaper

A homeless person's blanket.

Tyrone prefers the LA Times newspaper to the Daily News newspaper to keep himself warm at night.

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Newspaper

A pre-internet (i.e. ancient) current affairs blog that featured spell check and editorial standards. Occasionally they might run issues (postings for those who are not fluent in grandpa speak) featuring commentary and reactions by people who might write in complete sentences and direct their statements to something called an editor (this word is not available in Webster's .8).

"Hey man, check out the low res images they have on this free tablet they are giving out at the bus stop."
"Dude, its stuck on this one program. It might be broken"
"Wait, I think this is one of those things my dad keep telling me about...you know, a newspaper."
"Woooa."

25👍 5👎

newspaper

An instrument aiding the execution of the common house fly.

damnit its another fucking fly ruining my general eating experience, here pass me that newspaper...*big chase ensues* WHAP... damn straight its dead.*picks smeared remains up off cupboard door*

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newspaper

1. A pastime for people while taking a shit.

2. To read the newspaper is a euphemism for taking a shit.

Oh crap...hold on, guys, I gotta go read the newspaper.

*toilet water splashes*

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newspapering

The act of laying lots of newspapers in a persons yard at night while they are sleeping.

Stan "Hey man do you want to go newspapering?"
Kyle "Dude what the hell is that?"
Stan "Its like tping but with newspapers."

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newspapering

checking the weather at Lake UD

"yes ive been newspapering. what can i say, you're really into me!"
"stop being full of yourself, you think this is all about you?"
"No. just the bits about me are about me. Appreciation Hug?"

newspaper

A publication that an attractive woman under the age of 40 does not read.

Hot chicks don't read the newspaper; unless they're looking at the Macy's ad.

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